Mystery man Leandro Damiao has once again been linked with a variety of major European clubs, despite there being no proof that he actually exists. Andre Villas-Boas claimed in a drunken rant last week that he had seen the Brazilian play 'three or four times', but later retracted that statement and blamed it on 'a potent mix of malt whisky, 8% cider and a £4 bottle of wine'.
Leandro Damiao, possibly in one of those houses down there
Big spenders Paris Saint-Germain have continued their exploits this summer by spending around 10% of the world's total wealth on anyone they lay their eyes on, with an innocent bartender working in the centre of Paris the subject of a recent £30m bid, which was dismissed by his employers as a 'derisory offer'. PSG instead turned to Edinson Cavani, who was found roaming the streets of Santiago, Chile after going missing during the recent Confederations Cup in Brazil.
Manchester City have run into unexpected difficulties after signing the homesick Jesus Navas, who has made a series of bizarre demands to help him settle in Manchester. After ordering the club to transport his Spanish house on a chartered flight to Manchester, Navas has since demanded that the club make sure the weather in England is as hot as Seville. Despite being unable to make any guarantees, City instead signed best friend Alvaro Negredo from Sevilla, who Navas reportedly sees as an 'adequate' replacement for the total lack of sunny weather in England.
Meanwhile, Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney was left angry and confused after a recent trip to Subway. The England star attempted to order a footlong Meatball Marinara with no sauce or salad, but after a disastrous conversation with the member of staff, he managed to come out with a single piece of bread with a piece of cucumber on. Rooney immediately rushed to the manager's office to convey his anger and confusion, before demanding a transfer, insisting that he would have managed to get what he wanted from the Subway near Stamford Bridge.
Rooney upon discovering that his Meatball Marinara had not come to fruition
