Manchester United: Exhausted Robin van
Persie is reportedly fuming at his Manchester United teammates after
news emerged that they had literally stopped turning up for matches,
such is their confidence in the Dutch hitman. Van Persie has been a
revelation for the Red Devils this season, but his future is in doubt
after an unnamed source from within the camp revealed: 'Without
naming any names, Phil Jones and Shinji Kagawa are the guys most
culpable for this. They absolutely love the new FIFA and so usually
send their favourite lookalikes to cover for them. Robin's starting
to get very frustrated'. This is the second season in a row that van
Persie has been a one-man team. Last season he infamously carried
Arsenal to a third place finish despite blindfolding himself all
season 'for a new challenge'.
Manchester City: Football Manager
enthusiast Roberto Mancini has been left stunned this season after
admitting that assertively telling his players he has faith in them
'just hasn't worked'. Despite the likes of Sergio Aguero and Mario
Balotelli enjoying fine seasons last year after regularly reporting
to 'seem motivated', Mancini's ploy has failed to reap the rewards
this season. The Italian has tried to remedy the problem by asking
assistant David Platt to take the overall team talk, passionately
telling his players he expects a win and screaming at his players to
'work ball into box' to no avail. And his man-management skills were
left exposed recently after Mario Balotelli was quoted as saying:
'Our
relationship has broken down and I don't think talking to you can fix
it', after a particularly disastrous private chat between the two.
Southampton:
The Saints have enjoyed a solid Premiership season so far, despite
chairman Nicola Cortese maintaining his unquenchable thirst for
sacking employees. After
disposing of popular manager Nigel Adkins after an impressive 2-2
draw with Chelsea, Cortese has carried on the habit of sacking people
at their peak of their Saints careers. First, head chef Laurent Le
Perrier was sacked after serving up a particularly tasty Filet
Mignon, before an unnamed member of the ground staff at St. Mary's
lost their job after the grass was reportedly seen as 'too green' by
the wacky chairman. Cortese
angered Southampton staff further when Sarah Wait, Head of
Promotions, was dismissed after failing to win any
promotions this season.
West
Bromwich Albion: Although West Brom have so far enjoyed a fine
season, Peter Odemwingie's last-minute transfer window dash to QPR is
threatening to derail their fortunes. After the development, other
disgruntled West Brom players have begun to randomly turn up at other
clubs late at night, hoping to secure a deal. Markus Rosenberg
ambitiously turned up at Old Trafford hours after Odemwingie's move,
before all hell threatened to break loose after goalkeeper Boaz
Myhill was photographed knocking on the door at Molineux days after.
Manager Steve Clarke has responded to the antics of his unruly fringe
players by installing a tag in their leg, similar to something a
troublesome small house dog may have, which gives out an electric
shock if the players move outside a 5 mile radius of The Hawthorns.
Norwich
City: Strict Norwich boss Chris Hughton is walking a Delia
Smith-shaped tightrope after several risqué measures to improve
squad discipline. Hughton was forced to defend himself publicly after
a Sun
photographer caught him peering into the homes of several first
teamers ensuring
they were staying well-behaved. The incidents came shortly after
sources inside the club reported that Hughton has already informed
every single Norwich citizen that is legally allowed to sell alcohol,
not to sell alcohol to Norwich players. The over-zealous nature of
his approach to discipline may have come about as a result of various
drink-related issues with Newcastle players, including the
now-infamous occasion when Andy Carroll convinced several tanked-up
team-mates that doing the worm all the way home 'would be a reet laugh, like'.
No comments:
Post a Comment