Tuesday, 18 December 2012

Census 2011: Massive Increase in Former Chelsea Managers

Government officials have been left shocked after the 2011 Census revealed an alarming increase in the number of former Chelsea managers.

Figures released this afternoon showed that 10% of the UK population have indicated that they used to manage Chelsea.

Senior figures behind the Census have cited chairman Roman Abramovich as the main reason for the massive increase. Since Abramovich took over Chelsea in 2003, the previous figure of 16 former managers skyrocketed to 689,000 after the results of the 2011 Census were published.

ROMAN: A sacking addict

Former Chelsea manager Pope Benedict XVI, who had a brief 4-hour spell as caretaker manager in 2007, said that he was not surprised by the increase. “I believe Roman is addicted to sacking managers, I had only just met the players and drawn up a list of possible transfer targets when I got the boot.

“He claimed he fired me because he no longer liked Popes called Benedict. I was shocked at the time but it's something you have to learn from.”

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