With Christmas almost upon us, here we
take a look at how each of the 20 Premier League teams have fared so
far this season.
Liverpool: Philosopher
Brendan Rodgers has had a mixed time at Liverpool this season, with
the team struggling at times to adapt to his preferred style of play.
Things certainly were not helped when he was conspicuous by his
absence for a crunch match with Manchester United, as it coincided
with the launch of his book 'Hoof It: Why Long Ball Works.' Rodgers
was then absent for three subsequent matches to fulfil promotional
duties for the best-seller. Kopites will be hoping for an improvement
from The Reds in the second half of the season, but it seems unlikely
after news emerged recently that Rodgers has a further two
publications in the pipeline: an erotic football novel 'Fifty Shades
of Joe Allen', and sci-fi thriller 'Suso.'
QPR: The
West London outfit have had similar distractions to Liverpool this
season, with manager Mark Hughes' impressive solo album causing an
unnecessary distraction to on the field matters. Despite critical and
commercial success, Hughes' folk-rock album 'Sparky' failed to
impress QPR owner Tony Fernandes, firing his manager after he failed
to turn up to any of their first fifteen league games, thanks to
touring duties. Wheeler-and-dealer 'Arry Redknapp will be looking for
some bargains in the January transfer window to try and steer the Rs
clear of relegation.
Stoke City: The
Potters have had a very solid first half of the season, playing their
usual unique brand of attacking football. It is in no small part
thanks to Tony Pulis, the cultured coach who has revealed Stoke's key
to success this season: introducing the players to fine art and
literature.
“Ryan
Shawcross in particular has taken a great shine to the works of
Chaucer and Shakespeare” beamed Pulis. “Every week we attend a
spoken word night at a quaint pub in the countryside- the lads love
it.” The only member of the squad not to benefit from this
Stoke-on-Trent Renaissance is unruly winger Jermaine Pennant, who was
reportedly farmed out on loan to Wolverhampton Wanderers for
insisting that the teachings of Aristotle are 'dumb.'
West Ham United: Although
the Hammers have generally impressed so far on their return to the
top-flight, Sam Allardyce's insistence on a certain style of play is
causing headaches throughout Upton Park. Supporters of the club were
perhaps a little overzealous in lending their support to the team in
a home match against Arsenal in September, when they joined in with
the aerial barrage on Arsenal's goal by launching all of their
possessions in the vague direction of Andy Carroll. The big #9 was
left unconscious for ten minutes after heading one too many mobile
phones, whilst Kevin Nolan fed off so many scraps he was struck down
with food poisoning from a particularly nasty Chicken and Balti pie.
Sunderland: Disciplinary
problems have plagued the north-east club in recent months, with
serial offender Lee Cattermole currently out on bail after causing
injury in a full-blooded challenge, whilst out shopping with his
family. An unnamed man was left with a shattered shinbone after
Cattermole reportedly spotted a loose ball in Sunderland city centre.
Meanwhile Steven Fletcher is in similarly hot water after developing
a fondness for robbing the pick 'n' mix section of his local
newsagents on several occasions.
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